It’s Aries season and here’s a poem for Colin Herd’s birthday last week.
π₯βπ₯βπ₯βπ₯βπ₯β
This Place is Rammed
The canteen was a dream canteen. No, it wasnβt on Mars! I sat beside Colin Herd in a supervision that seemed to exist horizoned on the kind of table I want to call cherrywood is the word for anything darker and sweeter than pine. He asks if Iβve been writing lately. A poem, βThe old acid pit of the heart.β I turn sideways to offer him a Ready Salted Walkers Crisp. We talk publishing. I am courageous and yet worry about waiting for lunch.
βO happy birthday!β it occurs to me that I am a day or so late. I know heβs an Aries because everywhere in the dream I see red. Itβs so busy. Weβre not even just a vibe. The packet of crisps is obviously red. The flames in new-lit candles. The irate cadmium aura of waiters, who should get better pay. Iβm wearing red corduroy flares like in the Bob Perelman poem we heard last spring on Zoom. Iβm showing a loss. Is cherrywood red? Iβm stuck in my chair. The sound of the crunch of the crisp is red. Colinβs drinking a bright red thing with Campari & grenadine Denise would approve of. Everything is totally youthful. Will Colin eat the big slice of blood orange? Tell me a glorious story!
Lindsheaven Virtual Plaza – Daily Night Euphoria. Source.
The resonance is a tinny vintage, anachronistic; tinselled with eighties synths and a vocal sample that never quite begins. That baggy voice, normally soft as milk, becomes jagged, inhuman. Creepily crystallised. Your auntyβs favourite easy-listening is stripped of all coherence and synthesis; the tacky detritus of Steve Wrightβs Sunday Lovesongs repackaged for an ersatz world of sulphurous sunsets and crumbling metropolises imploding like the plastic dust of an Arizonan dead mall. Back to the dark desert highway, purple-skied and dripped in molten neon. This isnβt what youβd enjoy on a leisurely car trip to the drive throughβ¦Or is it?
Listen to : : :
deathβs dynamic shroud.wmv // Iβm at the point in the level where the road narrows, curves, swirls upside down. Death is imminent. You can see the gloved fingers slipping a compact disc into the slot of a monster, borrowed straight from the architectures of Digimon. Iβm thinking: Elizabeth Fraserβs sweetly haunting soprano (imagine being ghosted by the purest aural distillation of beauty); the chilled techno-ambience resurrected from the nineties. Thereβs heartbreak ahead. If you jump too farβand you will, wonβt youβthe space around you will glitch. There youβll be, suspended in the space twinkles. An empty swimming pool. Climb into the cracks. Why is everything so gleaming, so white? Iβm obsessed with getting back to matter. The music restores the filth, the glitch. Thereβs a vast acceleration of beautiful colour. The soprano grows warped, the orb-like contortions are glowing off kilter, off rhythm. The seven lumps of Galaxy chocolate Iβve just eaten melt sticky bits of sugar in my mouth, refuse to dissolve. Theyβll coat my teeth like that.
Vapourwave coats your teeth. God knows how or why you should define it. Itβs like cheap candy, utterly sugary but filled with mysterious ingredients, mystic chemicals from another dimension. One minute Iβm being instructed about the start of a sequence (itβs the eerie echoes of a sci-fi style video game)- – – loading loading loadingΒ – –Β – and then trap style beats come bouncing slowly in, delayed as if strained through some outpouring of weird gravity. Thereβs a purity to some of it, which feels more like an original composition; the ambient atmosphere of something along the lines of Aphex Twinβs Selected Ambient Worksβ¦Thereβs a sense of distortion, disorientation. Hyperreal landscapes lit in luminous pinks and purples. Whatβs that gleam, is it rain? Tokyo on a postcard, dipped in cross-processing chemicals, in violet acid. Then youβve got a vague array of p a r a d i s e lighting up the screen. Palms and sand and cerulean sea.
As soon as you get attached to a sample, youβre away. Rarely does the beat resolve. Youβre like, totally always stuck on the pre-beat. To the point that human expression becomes a technological fault, a beep, a burp. Sometimes it sounds like waves are being pulsed through your brain, blurred in a malfunction of some tacky machinery cooked up for a pulp movie of the nineties. Do scanners really look like that? Coated in rhinestones, bathed in pink. Some of itβs dreamier. Arpeggios of bell-scented keyboards (what do bells smell like? Not musty old church bells, but the sonorous chimes of noughties computers). Arpeggios climbing and climbing, dissolving, rising. A pop melody shining through. Iβm in a rainforest of futurist skyscrapers, cloud-surrounded, everything drenched in pastel-hued pixels. Itβs so serene.Β
Vapourwave. What a joke, an internet meme. Didnβt it die a couple of years ago?
Iβm so confused. What is this monstrosity thatβs eked itself into my life like a viral code luxuriating in my brain? At once disdainfully ironic, crass, tacky as hell; but also painfully sincere, nostalgic, full of a misplaced longing. The metamodern paradox of postmodern irony and modernist authenticity cooking up an endless loop of misplaced longing. I find myself thirsty for shopping malls from the seventies, for grotesque cups of Diet Pepsi, for the glossy pop of the eighties and the apocalyptic reveries of the nineties. Iβm drifting through a city stripped of its glitz and left with patches of bright matte colour, refusing to reflect the glass through which dreams have appeared and got lost. I remember polishing a CD with the back of my sleeve, watching the lines of rainbows beam. Slotting it into a computer that hummed and whirred at my touch. I remember when technology felt somehow homely.Β
At the heart of vapourwave is a tension between the sweet and disturbing, between satisfyingly vacuous muzak and dissonant, deliberate glitching. This is related to its deterritorialising impulse, by which I mean (borrowing from Deleuze and Guattari lingo), the way it extracts and recontextualises some element of a thing, then placing it elsewhere in a different environment. Vapourwave is a sort of bulimic, abject, rhizomatic discourse. It gorges on the symbols of late capitalism (the glossy muzak and soft rock of the eighties, international brands like Nike or Microsoft, the aesthetics of corporate advertising and so on) and then expels them in a gross reinterpretation that seems to purge them of their original, seamless facade. It might be useful here to mention that sociologist/criminologist Jock Young (2007) once described late modernity as a βbulimic societyβ, where we are all (internationally) included in the dreamlike semiotics of the rich through the opulence and availability of global branding, advertising and popular culture, but increasingly we are structurally excluded from the means which would allow us to achieve such dizzying heights ourselves. This social anomie is jarringly rendered in vapourwaveβs shameless embrace of corporate culture; at once poking fun at it but also monumentalising it in an ambiguous way. Itβs by no means a didactic movement, but as Grafton Tanner tends to argue in his excellent book Babbling Corpse: Vapourwave and the Commodification of Ghosts (2016), itβs symptomatic of its times. The very poetics of vapourwave reflect the uneasy experience of being unable to escape the system, the uncanny effects of our perpetual cultural nostalgiaβthe celebration and denigration of late capitalist modernity and all its forms of post (post (post) post).
Outside of their usual contexts, corporate and commercial visuals (the vapourwave a e s t h e t i c) seem absurd, funny, strange, alienating. It hollows out the imagined βcoreβ of the brand and replaces it with a sort of free-floating lack of functionality, a disembodied eeriness. Chuck a logo in with a pastel-hued painting of palms and corny dolphins lifted from a SNES game and there you have it. Old Apple logos might be hovering over a pixellated ocean, waiting to plunge inexorably. Not only the aesthetics, but also the music itself, creates this sense of fragmented capitalism. Tanner talks briefly about the relevance of Derridaβs idea of hauntology to understanding the politics of vapourwave and this seems to me very astute. Itβs the idea that the future is irrevocably haunted by the past; that culture and politics are also spooked with spectres from the pastβfrom communism (Derridaβs book is called Spectres of Marx) to old technologies. Itβs the idea that things are always-already obsolete, that thereβs a sense of being itself as displaced and never quite fully present. It’s an ontology of difference, deferral, doubling, of objects which become βa little mad, weird, unsettled, βout of jointββ (Derrida 1994). Derridaβs gloss on Marxβs analysis of the commodity-table gives us a sense on the ghostliness of consumer objects:
For example β and here is where the table comes on stage β the wood remains wooden when it is made into a table: it is then βan ordinary, sensuous thing [ein ordindΓ€res, sinnliches Ding]”. It is quite different when it becomes a commodity, when the curtain goes up on the market and the table plays actor and character at the same time, when the commodity-table, says Marx, comes on stage (auftritt), begins to walk around and to put itself forward as a market value. Coup de theatre: the ordinary, sensuous thing is transfigured (verwandelt sich), it becomes someone, it assumes a figure. This woody and headstrong denseness is metamorphosed into a supernatural thing, a sensuous non-sensuous thing, sensuous but non-sensuous, sensuously supersensible (verwandelt er sich in ein sinnlich ΓΌbersinnliches Ding). The ghostly schema now appears indispensable. The commodity is a βthingβ without phenomenon, a thing in flight that surpasses the senses (it is invisible, intangible, inaudible, and odourless); but this transcendence is not altogether spiritual, it retains that bodiless body which we have recognised as making the difference between spectre and spirit. What surpasses the senses still passes before us in the silhouette of the sensuous body that it nevertheless lacks or that remains inaccessible to us.
(Derrida 1994)
Vapourwave, of course, exploits this βghostly schemaβ of consumer objects. βWoody and headstrong densenessβ, the sheer materiality of the thing is ordinarily supplanted by its mystical, transcendent value as a commodified good or brand. When we think of Nike trainers, rarely do we care for their actual material structure; usually it is the symbolic resonance of the brand that captures us. In Vapourwave, materiality comes back, vicious and strange. Fredric Jameson laments the way that postmodernism presents us with a meaningless concatenation of cultural nostalgia, often without contextβBuzzFeedβs noughties nostalgia lists perhaps being a case in point. Vapourwave takes this βout of contextβ randomness and runs with it. Art objects, textures, corporate iconography and screen-saturated colours combine in a collage of irony and contrasts. The mishmash quality of the vapourwave aesthetic lends it to easy manipulation and re-creation. This is the DIY ethic of the movement, its impulse towards constant theft, the cut and paste fun of sampling, the wilful shredding of distortion which creates a contemporary rendering of William Burroughsβ literary cut-up method or the random-making βrecipesβ of Dada poetry, as described by Tristan Tzara.
Vapourwave Collage (note the hashtags on the link). Source.
Now, the effects of this mixed-bag of internet treats arenβt just weird and humorous, but weird also in an unsettling way. The samples become points of focus in a manner that strips away the normal cultural values of the original song; the easy soft-rock of the eighties becomes haunted with lo-fi feedback and interruption, compression and echoes. It sounds like itβs being heard through a cave or the underwater atrium of an abandoned mall, after the apocalypse. One of vapourwaveβs most prominent releases to this day remains Macintosh Plusβ Floral Shoppe (2011) and on this record the production warps its soul music with a surrealist synth-driven dreamscape, in which R&B beats become slow and trippy and human voices are dehumanised into drawls and robotic calls. Often a sample starts but never resolves its line, constantly stumbling over itself. Tempos are spliced and no song follows conventional structure, but instead runs on repetitions, overlaps, interruptions; completely jarring changes in rhythm and key with no transition. Funk and soul from the eighties are no longer smooth and satisfying radio filler, but are turned inside out, their inherent weirdness exposed. Some of the highlights include βItβs Your Moveβ by Diana Ross and βYou Need a Heroβ by Pages. The effect of listening to this album is sort of like pushing a shopping cart round a supermarket and gazing around in wonder at the saturated pastels, the pointless products, the detritus of cluttered consumer madness. Glitches, twinkles, the beats of unsteady feet. Random tannoy announcements like a call from some parallel universe, the underground, the flickers of the internet ether.
Tannerβs Babbling Corpse usefully makes a connection between the dehumanisation of human voices in vapourwave music and contemporary philosophical movements such as speculative realism and object-orientated ontology. Both movements share the fundamental rejection of correlationism (the dominant, anthropocentric idea in Western philosophy that views reality only in relation to and projection from the human perspective). Instead, they turn to the world experience of the nonhuman, the sentient and foreign perspective of matter and objects. They expose the contrived nature of our distinction between self and world, showing how we are world, entangled in a way that is inextricable and disturbing (Timothy Morton, for instance, points to the crustaceans that live in our eyelashes or the bacteria in our gut as examples of how we are the environment, rather than self-complete and separate beings). Vapourwave in some way manages to evoke this weird world of objects, at a level only barely accessible to humans. Its use of glitches and looped samples disrupts the ordering of people and things. As Tanner puts it,
Glitches interrupt our expectations while deceiving and annoying us. They undermine our notion of what the machine is supposed to do for us, not without us. In this way, our electronic machines take on lives of their own and appear capable of functioning perfectly well without humans – a complete transcendence into other-worldly sentience.
Β (2016: 11)
We might consider this in relation to Martin Heideggerβs (2008) idea that we only notice a tool as a thing when it stops working. A broken hammer suddenly becomes a strange entity in its own right, rather than just one chain link in the process of a means to an end. Chuck Persons Eccojams Vol. 1, for starters. The very name: Eccojams. It implies the jams are a product of this Other: the ecco, ecology, echoβ¦The title derives from an old Sega Megadrive game called Ecco the Dolphin, an action adventure game which featured dreamy music and a very minimalist gameplay narrative. You made Ecco sing to attract and interact with other objects and cetaceans; you could evoke echolocation in order to unfold a map of your oceanic surroundings; you could call to special crystals (glyphs) which in various ways controlled Eccoβs access to different levels. There is a beautiful otherworldliness to this game, and not just because Ecco ends up at the City of Atlantis. Itβs created its own mythology, and the emphasis on song (like The Legend of Zeldaβs ocarina melodies, which initiate effects in the game) opens up the possibilities for a nonhuman conscious or logic. Music, perhaps more than language, has effects on nonhuman consciousness. At a certain pitch, it can shatter a glass, or cause buildings to rumble with bass. It opens up its own logic of cause and effect.
Hauntology, in a sense, is about being stuck on the loop of the end of history.Β Technology constantly dislocates our awareness of time and space, so that linearity is replaced with instancy, repetition and reiteration, the constant recycling of former styles and events. Repetition is uncanny partly because, as Freud argues in βThe Uncannyβ, itβs the structure of the unconscious. When we notice repetition, we notice how our whole psyches are built on the compulsion to repeat even that which is most traumatic to us. It also violates our sense of identity and experience as singular and unique (an idea that liberal democracy and consumer capitalism likes to perpetuate). Identical twins are uncanny for this reason, as is deja vu. We feel that the normal order of time and space has been distorted (this is of course made explicit in films like Donnie Darko, which deal with parallel universe theorems). Repetition is also uncanny because it suggests that things we thought were unique to a moment, imbued with their apparent transience, are actually lingering and potentially eternal. Itβs unsettling to have the buried constantly disinterred and broken out into the open present. Tom McCarthyβs Remainder (2005) is a novel which explores the logic of repetition in relation to a trauma narrative in which the protagonist becomes obsessed with re-enacting events to the point of absurdity and violent conclusion. Itβs that overlap of the real, where dreamlike remembrance meets actual performed repetition, that is the orgasmic satisfaction of the psyche.
Listening to vapourwave enacts this perfectly. We might start to recognise the songs from which these samples were drawn, but our recognition is distorted along with the samples themselves. The past floats uncannily into the future. Eccojams Vol. 1 drops its tinkling beats on a loop and the vocals from eighties ballads are stripped of their velvet and become mournful, minor, distorted. Inhuman, odd. Thereβs a sense in which our contemporary experience of reality in the face of apocalypse and pathological nostalgia is both dark and sweet. Mortonβs branch of object-orientated ontology, dark ecology, perfectly captures this experience (in fact, in Dark Ecology (2016) he describes the process of dealing with this βgriefβ as sharing the structure of a βdark ecological chocolateβ). Vapourwave is at times incredibly saccharine, mapping itself through the cheerfully smooth loops of Muzak; but it is also jarring, dissonant, deeply unsettling. It takes dirty club techno, the complex tempos of intelligent dance music, and puts them through the cheap production of the GarageBand blender. Vocals echo like a broken tannoy machine. Vapourwave, as both visual and musical aesthetic, fundamentally opens an aural space in which past, present and future become a haunting echo chamber of one another. No longer is this the mere surface play of postmodern collage, but instead itβs the material manifestation of a specific cultural hauntology. As Tanner puts it, hauntology βis unlike Jamesonβs pastiche in that it complicates the past (specifically, the pastβs image of the future) in order to call attention to capitalismβs destructive nature as a subjugating force that only fools others into thinking it came to eradicate βhistoryββ (2016: 35-36). Capitalism is hollowed out, its signature brands become lost echoes in a vaguely recognisable, a hypnotically attractive yet alarming vision of our near-present future; blended with the figures of mall culture, the colours of early aughts internet webspaces and the abyssal possibilities of a Tumblr scroll.
Iβm interested in how vapourwave re-enacts a different form of consciousness and how this might be ecological, even though the movementβs only obvious engagement with Nature as Such is through the proliferation of palms and potted plants that drift incongruously as consumer goods through some of its artwork. To get at its ecological sweetness, itβs like cracking open a crystal to see its lattice parameters (what a beautiful phrase), the places where the material cleaves (its lines of weakness), its cubic structure. The interplay between structure and embedded weakness is what motivates vapourwave; it contains its own failure, the undeveloped samples, the way a tiny snatch of a song is unfolded into a tranquil sequence of soporific, nonsensical sound. This is not music with a coherent logic. You look for lines and trends and vague traces of structure, but a song will become something more fluid and fragmented. Vapourwaveβs material metaphors cannot be coherent; itβs at once free-floating, vaporous, seeping, gelatinous, oozing, splitting, cracking, choking, pulsing, dissolving. Hard matter, soft matter, chemical, vapour, waves and glitches and tiny explosions.
Sometimes, the structure is completely frustrating. On Personβs Eccojams Vol. 1, for example, the slowed-down, reverb-heavy sample from Gerry Raffertyβs βBaker Streetβ repeats endlessly and never resolves itself into the next line: βanother year and then weβll be happy / just one more year and then weβll be happyβ. The twinkle signifies the glimpse of a transition and thereβs a blip of the βbβ which should resolve into βbut youβre crying, youβre crying nowβ and yet here never does. Instead the song becomes an endless loop of implied futurity, the future conditional, βweβll be happyβ that doesnβt get to complete itself but instead hangs. Weβre taken out of time and left in this limbo. Here, the repetition isnβt soothing, itβs unsettlingβmesmerising in a disturbing way. We question our longing for the song to resolve and before we have a chance itβs skipped to the next track. So we go back, search out the original version. Is it satisfying? Listening to Rafertyβs original now feels weird in a way it didnβt before. Itβs like this lost artefact from the past, spliced across the future ether rendered by Personβs eerie and hypnagogic album. While βBaker Streetβ implies a specific place, now itβs thoroughly displaced, an effect of the internetβs rhizomatic possibilities.
As Morton puts it, βin order to have environmental awareness, one must be aware of space as more than just a vacuum. One must start taking note of, taking care of, oneβs worldβ (2002: 54). Ambient poetics disturb our assumed distinction between inside/outside, self/other; they show how we are entangled in a shared space of coexistence (Morton 2002: 54). Ambient music, in its sensuousness, its borrowing from the worldβfor example, by using samples of music concrΓ¨te and field recordings from both nature and urban spacesβembeds us inside an environment in a way that is at once comforting and disturbing. It literally surrounds our senses. Brian Eno famously sets out a manifesto for ambient music by describing ambience as βan atmosphere, or a surrounding influence, a tintβ, and βwhereas conventional background music [i.e. Muzak] is produced by stripping away all sense of doubt and uncertainty [β¦] from the music, Ambient Music retains these qualities. [β¦] Ambient Music is intended to induce calm and a space to thinkβ. As Morton puts it, ambient music as figured by Eno deconstructs the βopposition between foreground and background, or more precisely, between figure and groundβ. In this sense, βambience could be shown to resist the reification of space in capitalismβ, βat once fill[ing] and overspill[ing] the ideological frame intended for it by the social structure in which it emergedβ (Morton 2001).
Think of it this way: could you get away with playing vapourwave in a mall or a supermarket or diner? Sure, it would βfillβ the space in one sense, but also exceed it, rendering all our cultural and material associations with this space uncanny and distorted. It would become a sci-fi space, a space displaced into the future. We would be inhabiting a doubled world, a doubled temporality. I tried playing Floral Shoppe in the restaurant where I work once (obviously when there were no customers) and the effect was actually very comforting. I felt like I wasnβt trapped in the familiar twenty-something existential limbo and instead inhabiting a plane of dreamlike contemplation, like the Rainbow Road level on MarioKart: Double Dash. I close my eyes and the scratched wooden floor spills out into a highway of colour; the tables Iβm bumping against are bright yellow stars and fragments of unknown matter. Iβm back in the supermarket, trolleys wheeling away from me and products falling off the shelf. I open my eyes and thereβs the mirror and a reflection of someone that might be me, wearing a uniform, the chairs and tables flashing around me like holograms. Iβm not exactly sure where that association sprung from (itβs been a long time since Iβve turned on the old GameCube), but I guess thatβs the free associative impact of the music itself.
This aesthetic dwelling is crucial for ecology because it forces a recognition of the world which we are and in which we live, a recognition that notices patterns of interconnectedness and coexistence. For Gregory Bateson (2016), aesthetics means βresponsiveness to the pattern which connects. The pattern which connects is a meta-patternβ; both cities and their parts form part of this pattern, of the patterned aesthetic of vapourwave. The metropolis, the mall, the fountain plaza, the computer screen, the window of a building, the burnished, pixellated sunset. All are the environs of sound and vision, the movement between figure and ground, the deconstruction of synecdoche. The part and the whole are constantly supplementing each other (the song, the sample; the symbolism, the surface aesthetic). Itβs a bewildering, shape-shifting experience. It forces us to take notice of our world. Thereβs something about vapourwave which always suggests to me a sort of endless highway, where the vehicles move as if through some viscous substance that drags the experience of time and space. Our perception becomes blurred and starry, with blips of unconsciousness and moments of epiphanic reverie. Things around us fade or glow. The radio rumbles in the darkest cavity of our chest. Am I even breathing? I donβt feel human. Is this freedom?
Alongside this dwelling is a certain playfulness of a way unique to vapourwave. James Ferraroβs Far Side Virtual (2011) might be the classic here. It blends together the inane and cornily flourishing samples from Muzak with automated audio speech stolen from corporate contexts and sound effects from everyday tech lifeβthe message-send swoop, a mouse click, laptop crashing sounds and start-up tunes. The result is something that might reflect Jean-Francois Lyotard’s famous definition of postmodernism as βeclecticismβ, the βdegree zero of contemporary general culture [where] one listens to reggae, watches Westerns, eats MacDonald’s for lunch and local cuisine for dinner, wears Paris perfume in Tokyo and retro clothing in Hong Kong; knowledge is a matter for TV gamesβ (2004: 76). This eclecticism is made playfully manifest in Ferraroβs lively, atmospheric and at times downright trippy record, where twinkles of commercially-drenched, techy synths give way to stuttering keyboards, ringtone effects and twirls of familiar message noises which become maddeningly synced with finger clicks and conversations between robotic voices. A CONUNDRUM article argues that βsince vapourwave functions namely as commentary, it loops, pitch-shifts and βscrewsβ the utopia of the virtual plaza, creating a harsh, grating sound in away that brings each muzak sampleβs faults to the forefront of the trackβ. This is certainly true of Ferraro, but Iβd also suggest that vapourwave is more than mere commentary; Ferraro especially revels in the silliness of corporate culture (check out βPixarnia and the Future of Norman Rockwellβ, with its drink slurping sound effects and jingly, kids tv-worthy melody), at the same time as revealing its peculiar utopian unreality, a world of shimmering sound and holograms. Thereβs a self-consciously affective and pleasurable aspect to the music. Sometimes it sounds like the demonstration music on an art channel, to the point where Iβm expecting some beautiful, sellotaped creation to materialise with every musical flourish.
On the other hand, thereβs the total weirdness of βPalm Trees, Wi-Fi and Dream Sushiβ, which takes us through a scintillatingly bizarre encounter with a βtouchscreen waiterβ who explains the ordering process at a sushi restaurantβapparently in Times Square, with Gordon Ramsay as chefβto the backdrop of exuberant synths and glitchy effects which sound like a Windows 95 laptop gone haywire, or merely said customer making her selections from the menu software. The result is to render a future where restaurants and coffeehouses are devoid of human interaction, becoming impersonal encounters with creepily enthusiastic machine waiters (creepy not just because theyβd put me out of a job). The contrast between this manic happiness, this constant focus on choice, with the maddening music is to create a deep sense of unease, to reveal the artifice of such utopian tech constructions. Do we really have a choice? Is life being boiled down to a series of computer menus? Is the future bound to the unsettling intonations of such robotic encounters? I canβt help but escape into the absurdity of the music and try to forget this hauntological disaster is always-already constantly happeningβ¦
The comparatively meditative βBagsβ weaves its entrancing ambience from an early Windows startup theme, dipping into sonorous caverns of sparkling synths and lifting for air bubbles and irregular, incongruous finger clicks. I am reminded here of a beautiful essay by Steven Connor on the magic of objects, specifically here bags: βbecause they are in essence such fleshly or bodily things, bags enact as nothing else does our sense of the relation between inside and outside. We are creatures who find it easy and pleasurable to imagine living on the inside of another bodyβ. Thereβs an amniotic vibe to Ferarroβs βBagsβ; the swaying, dreamy pace that makes us feel as though we are inside those palms, or encased within a glossy plastic number, bouncing away against some glamorous knee. Just as humans have a sort of supplementary, life-giving association with bags, we also have this relationship with the plazas of capitalism and the affective world they render. Ferarro has said that he conceived of Far Side Virtual as a series of ringtones, a musical form which inherently suggests consumer transience, tackiness, kitsch, the whims of passing fashions (not least because the polyphonic presets change with each phone upgrade). Heβs also said that he loves the idea of the album being βperformed b a Philharmonic Orchestra [β¦] Imagining an orchestra given X-Box controllers instead of mallets, iPhones instead of violins, ring tones instead of Tubular bells, Starbucks cups instead of cymbals. All streamed online, viewable on a megascreen in Times Squareβ. Thatβs whatβs special about vapourwave: its commitment to the endurance of art and the a e s t h e t i c alongside an ambiguous relationship with the ephemerality of corporate kitsch. The artistic rearrangement of these samples, alongside their visual presentation and marketing as alt music through sites like Bandcamp, completely reterritorialises their original framework of meaning.
Freud, Sigmund, 2003. The Uncanny, trans. by David McLintock, (London: Penguin).
Heidegger, Martin, 2008. Being and Time, trans. by John Macquarrie and Edward Robinson, (New York: Harper Perennial).
Jameson, Fredric, 1991. Postmodernism: Or, the Cultural Logic of Late Capitalism (Durham: Duke University Press).
Lyotard, Jean-Francois, 2004. Postmodern Condition: A Report on Knowledge, trans. by Geoff Bennington and Brian Massumi,(Manchester: Manchester University Press).
Itβs not all about realising you can get 10% off at Topshop again (although my ID photo is so bad this year Iβm no sure I can brandish it in public).Β I didnβt know what to expect, going back to uni after a year out. It all happened so fast. Working for over a year as a full time waitress, doing 35-55 hour weeks, I didnβt really give myself the headspace to prepare myself for what uni entails. Despite knowing for several months that I had secured my place, a Masters in MLitt Modernities at Glasgow Uni just seemed something far in the distance, the uncertain plane which I would embark upon after an endless summer.
No matter how it feels at the time, summer is never endless. August was a strange old month, and horrible, tragic things kept happening around me. Amidst all that, it didnβt seem real, making my way through the infernal labyrinth of MyCampus; applying for scholarships, spending inordinate time staring at screens again, making lists of things to be done. I found myself in a room up high in the Boyd Orr building, listening to the inimitable and infectiously enthusiastic Rob Maslen give a speech about the strange history of these hallowed walls; being introduced to the university as if it were the first time all over again.
I would walk home at 2am, stumbling tired-eyed through Kelvinside, hoping for a glimpse of the river, some tangible reminder of nature. How long had it been since Iβd seen the sea? During reading week, I allowed myself a cheeky day trip to Arran, which felt so unreal it was almost magic. The days passed and ideas started to percolate in my head. The power of procrastination unleashed itself again. I did more creative writing in the past three months than probably Iβve done all year. I guess the more you read, the more you want to write. I sat on level 11 and watched the sunset over Park Circus, making airy, vague notes about queer temporality and thing theory on a 60p sketchpad. I went to seminars and was reminded of how nice it is to listen to people share a subject, to listen to experts talk with passion about something they must have covered a thousand times before and yet still they can find fresh things to say about it. To actually talk to said experts about such interesting topics (instead of merely serving them glasses of wine and plates of fish, as the Oran Mor waitress will often do for GU academics). Although a bit scary at first (not least because I had a screenwriter and published author in one of my seminars!), it was nice to actually have proper formal discussions about books again. Often we veered slightly off-topic, with Trump becoming the proverbial wall against which we hit our heads in frustration, but everything felt prescient, useful. I went to visiting speaker seminars with the likes of Stephen Ross, Graeme Macdonald and Darren Anderson, who talked about all manner of interesting topics: Beckettβs invention of the teenager, petroculture and the politics of space and architecture. Having been at Glasgow Uni four and a half years now, I was still struggling to find half the rooms and buildings I needed to get to.
I went to a couple of nights at The Poetry Club in Finnieston and actually read poems aloud to real humans. Got a few wee things published here and there. Went to a ceilidh. Realised that I want to do lots and lots of creative writing and really try and learn from people. Started writing music reviews for RaveChild which has been really rewarding, not least because it’s encouraged me to broaden my musical horizons and go to more gigs.Β Started tweeting again. I managed to go to a few Creative Writing Society workshops, wrote a collaborative sonnet and played around with tarot cards. Went to Creative Conversations at the Chapel and saw very smart and fascinating people talk about writing: Amy Liptrot, Liz Lochhead, Mallachy Tallack, for example. Developed many creative crushes on various academics.
Necronaut: Tom McCarthy looking fit in flip flops. Image Source: Fitzcarraldo
My stress levels tend to rise in tandem with the libraryβs rising busyness and so I stopped going altogether about a month ago. Iβve more or less forgotten what sunlight is, except for the wee slant that comes through the window of the building in Professorsβ Square where every Thursday we had our Modern Everyday seminar. I sit in bed everyday and try and write and write. I spent the first four weeks of this semester trying to read a section fromThe Derrida Wordbookeveryday, until my brain started to melt a bit too much and I was thinking in riddles.Β One day I was so tired I woke up at 10.46 for an 11am seminar but somehow still made it on time, looking like something the cat had dragged in. I tried to get my head round Blanchot, and even went to a reading group where we poured over The Space of Literature and maybe I came out with some sense of the link between writing and death. I wrote reflective journals for my core course seminars and every time came back to Tom McCarty references. The man and his ideas are just so seductive.
Coming to the end of my first semester as a postgrad student, Iβm not sure how I feel. I didnβt wash my hair for nearly four weeks. On the one hand, my brain feels heavier, Iβm exhausted, probably much less fit; Iβve lost contact with a few friends. On the other, Iβve got ideas all the time, Iβm meeting new people, I can understand a little bit of Heidegger. I’m extremely lucky to be able to study at all, especially on such a well-run, exciting course like Modernities.
Cutlery: an everlasting source of inspiration
Things I miss about waitressing:
Being on my feet all day. Coming home feeling like an honest hard dayβs work has been done, that I really earned that massive block of chocolate.
Gossip. ConstantΒ streams of salacious stories.
The visceral fuck-strewnΒ quality of hospitality patter.
Unlimited access to coffee at the point of need.
Making strangers happy through simple acts of kindness.
Being with friends all day and plotting grand schemes.
Minor dramas.
Telling ghost stories to tourists.
Having a reason to put makeup on in the morning/having a reason to get up in the morning before 10.
Spontaneous drinking.
That amazing post-coffee rush feeling when you know your break is due and youβve got a good book on you.
Finishing a shift and leaving it at the door for a Netflix binge.
Meeting new people more or less constantly.
Having actual muscles from plate carrying.
Playing the game of concocting life stories for strangers.
Teamwork! (which is sorely missed on an English Lit degreeβ¦)
Solving completely unsolvable problems, like trying to find and polish 50 champagne flutes in five minutes, or sourcing pathologically evasive salt shakers, or convincing the kitchen not to slaughter you because your tableβs arrived 45 minutes late, just in time to clash with every other function in the building.
Unexpectedly deep conversations about love, life, literature, music, family, mental illness, travel, astrophysics, the ethics of illustration, Tumblr, queer theory, feminism, television, childhood memories and sleep deprivation all while polishing cutlery.
The thrill of days off.
Going part-time, I still get some of these fun things, and less of the bad things. Maybe thatβs a nice balance. The Christmas period is always a test for our sanity and endurance. Still, hopefully the feeling of handing in my essays will get me through the rest of the season, and if not god knows I have enough books to read to escape into! Maybe I should tidy my room first.
Suzanne Vega – βMarlene on the Wallβ, Suzanne Vega (1985)
Partly to blame for my writerly obsession with long, m-beginning girls names (Meredith, Meredana, Marianne), this song was one of the first tracks that brought me to music – brought me to music in the sense of listening to it and discovering something new about the world through it. Itβs a story of a dangerous and probably ill-advised love affair, told through an impression of symbols; the singer urges the listener to βobserve the blood, the rose tattoo and the fingerprints on me from youβ. The line between desire and violence blurs here and thereβs something about Vegaβs cool, whispering voice: an intimacy that is at once conversational but also steadfastly aloof, refusing the self-aestheticising of vibrato and instead fixing itself on the delivery of its sharply observational lyrics. In an age where big, operatic voices dominate the popular music scene (think Adele), Vegaβs vocal style seems comparatively and indeed curiously fresh. When she returns, angrily, to the chorus, thereβs a real, mesmerising venom to her delivery.
The song was on an acoustic compilation CD Iβd nicked from my Mumβs car and I used to play it over and over again, my nine-year-old mind trying to make sense of the songβs darkness; its βdanger zoneβ, the urgent guitar strums and insistence on silence – βdonβt talk about it laterβ. By successfully striking the experience of ambiguity in desire, twisting popβs conventional picture of love to one more sinister, Vega draws you in and in again to her characters. Whoβs Marlene? What does she mean by the wall? Who are the soldiers, and the βthings I cannot seeβ? I still have no idea.
2) Bloc Party – βI Still Rememberβ, A Weekend in the City (2007)
Like a Roald Dahl novel, rife with endearing surrealism, you sink into this story of young love with a queasy mix of confusion and warm familiarity. The guitar riff that kicks in with all its clarity is a comfort, even now, listening back almost ten (!) years later, and the song lilts between the energy and languidness of longing. The relief that comes when Kele Okereke breathily sings that first line, βI / I still remember / how you looked that afternoon / it was only you.β Itβs a love that touches on the unspokenness of queer desire, the possibility of falling for your best friend: βwe left our trousers by the canal / and our fingers, they almost touchedβ. Itβs almost Blakean in its very pure, stripped-back articulation of innocence: βyou said βitβs just like a full moonβ / blood beats faster in our veinsβ. Itβs draped in childhood nostalgia: βand on that teachersβ training day / we wrote our names on every trainβ. With all these images, you canβt help but remember such experiences from your own youth, those simple days and strange feelings.
When the song builds up with the thrashing drums and the insistent refrain, βI still rememberβ, all the campouts and nights out and beach drinking and endless hanging out come flooding back. Okerekeβs love exists now only as a metonymic collection of details, sentimental objects and memories: the playgrounds and rooftops, park benches, school ties. Thereβs a terrible bittersweetness to the song, its sense of regret, of unrealised, forlorn desire: βYou should have asked me for it / I would have been braveβ. Sure, the album came out in January 2007, but in a way itβs a song for autumn: the aftermath of summer holidays, the return to school, the always problematic sense of fresh beginnings, of leaving a certain era behind. The golden haze of nostalgia, and all its futile longing. The dissolution of that final shining chord.
In my head, itβs inextricably tied up not just with my own adolescence but with that even earlier exposure to frustrated love. I think of the ending to Phillip Pullmanβs His Dark Materials trilogy, with Maryβs endless stories, the βquantum leapβ that is loveβs realisation, her talk of negative capability and the unravelling of Proustian memory, decades deep from a piece of marzipan; then Lyra and Will, after so many adventures across several universes, admitting they love each other, their first kiss like the taste of the βlittle red fruitβ and then the devastating revelation that they love each other and yet can literally never exist in the same world and live. I remember vividly sitting on my bedroom floor on a Sunday night, picking flakes of paint from the floorboards, anxiously devouring the last of book of the fantasy trilogy that had consumed both my summer and winter and feeling this weird immenseness of sadness and relief all at once. I think itβs the expression that counts; the only overcoming of such feelings. Thatβs why Bloc Partyβs songβs so good. Itβs cathartic.
3) Belle & Sebastian – βDress Up in Youβ, The Life Pursuit (2006)
For me, The Life Pursuit is one of Belle & Sebastianβs most obviously ‘chamber pop’ albums, itβs lush and glossy and upbeat, featuringΒ vocal contributions from both male and female members of the band. Its production is shiny and the mood (for once?) is cheerful.
Probably not surprising that the song I picked is one of the albumβs most melancholy, however. We can all relate to βDress Up in Youβ, in a way. Itβs a song about jealousy, about our problematic relationship with the friend that always dazzled,Β the one with a βbeautiful faceβ, that was always destined for great things, while you were stuck back home, βknitting jumpersβ and βworking after hoursβ. Thereβs a bitterness to the songβs tone but at the same time the relaxing cadence of the piano riff and the upliftingly sweet horn solo keep the sadness in check: ultimately, the songβs message is one of admiration. The βsinger in the bandβ paints a vision of her friend, the one who βgot luckyβ, who forgot about her, as a beautiful idol: βif I could have a second skin Iβd probably dress up in you.β
Weβve all wanted to be someone else at some point. Itβs probably part of the human condition that weβre mostly doomed to be dissatisfied with our own skin, to long for where the grass is greener, where there are airplanes and style and βthe essenceβ. What I love about this song is its contradictions: the bitter lyrics and the sweet music, the sense of absolute friendship (deals signed in blood, understandings, love, the sense of missing someone so much they give you stomach pain) and jealousy/resentment, the contrast between stardom and failure. It carries them off perfectly and thereβs a satisfying relief in the way the song closes with the rallentando leading into βthey are hypocrites, forget them / so fuck them tooβ and then all those carefree la la la la las, harmonised lovingly with the accompanying brass.
Itβs a song that reminds me of sitting up till 5am on friendsβ sofas, passing round the laptop and its weighty iTunes library, drinking the dregs from a bottle of gin and feeling a bit miserable for ourselves but also kind of paradoxically content with the feeling of discontent.
Notably, itβs also the song that plays over the credits to Stuart Murdochβs film, God Help the Girl, and I like that the filmβs ending is pretty open, just like the outcome of the songβdoes the friend become an actress? Is she a success or a failure?Β
4) Frightened Rabbit – βPokeβ, The Midnight Organ Fight (2008)
2009 and 2010. Two winters so cold the roads and rivers froze over; so cold we wore coats in our classrooms, the heating system of our leaky-roofed Victorian school building packing in in tandem with the collapse in temperatures. These years all a blur of computer screens and studies, of long walks round town and into the hills with friends. I had tickets to see Frightened Rabbit at the Barrowlands in December; I was in school, reading Sylvia Plath for my English dissertation, when from the windows of the computer suite I saw the first flakes of snow, falling from the sky like a promise. They came thick and fast and soon everything was draped in white. Something inside me soared, even with the sad knowledge that the trains were cancelled. I couldnβt go to the gig.
At parties, we would mockingly sing the words to each other: βpoke at my iris / why canβt I cry about thisβ. Sometimes weβd mishear the lyrics. We wanted a reaction from each other, perhaps, a way of making sense of that weird desire to be poked in the eye, to be stilted from our drunken reveries. Or maybe it meant something deeper, weirder. Maybe that was our own βbrand new languageβ, a semiotics of stupid expressions and warbling voices, the way weβd brush up against each otherβs hands as if we wanted to hold them.
βPokeβ. Itβs an elegy of sorts; an elegy for the disintegration of a relationship, the frustration of striving for closure, caught between an animalistic need for freedom and that enduring residue of whatever was there before: βWhy wonβt our love keel over as it chokes on a bone? / And we can mourn its passing / And then bury it in snowβ. Itβs that wintery, rural Scottish numbness, the refusal or even inability to admit feeling – βWhy canβt I cry about this?β. Thereβs the tender, Burns-like romanticism of this love – βitβs got lots to do with magnets and the pull of the moonβ – kicked viscerally in the teeth with all that suppressed violence that we bury in the darkest dullness of our relationships: βOr should we kick its cunt in / and watch as it dies from bleeding?β. Scott Hutchisonβs poetic, sometimes growling croon is softened in this song, even as he refuses to hold back on the emotion, it unravels perfectly in the expression of paradox that governs the end of a relationship: βBut I hate when I feel like this / And I never hated youβ. The sudden severance of that connection that was almost familial, blood-strong in its longing. The interludes where Hutchison sings his Ooooohs with that perfect, withdrawn sorrow are like theΒ movements of the sea over the steady rivulets of the guitar picking. I always wanted to be able to play this song on guitar. It sounded so simple and sad and pure.
5) Wild Nothing – βParadiseβ, Nocturne (2012)
I used to do double shifts most Saturdays and Sundays and it was a grim affair without the aid of some good music to brighten the restaurant where I found myself pacing endlessly, lifting plates, taking orders, polishing glasses, picking litter and leaves off the floor, scraping candle wax off tables, dusting the gantry, moving zombie-like between tables with the same forced fresh, maybe fragile smile.
My friend Douglas would bring stacks of CDs in and leave them for me on the bar top while he was away working in his section. In the midst of sensory deprivation, I would pore over those CDs like they were exquisite treasures (which, fuck it, they were). For one, it was lovely to find someone else who shared my passion for the actual tangibility of the compact disc. The sleeve and the notes and the design printed on the disc itself. I liked the sheen of plastic, which felt solid in my hands. It was 2013 and Douglas had a music taste that ranged from the up-and-coming heroes of alt-pop (Grimes, Lana Del Rey) to the more left-field and experimental/electronic; looking over those CDs reminded me of the world I had missed while immersing myself in nothing but literary theory podcasts and James Joyce audiobooks for two years solid. Now there was Bjork, Angel Olsen, PoliΓ§a, Wild Nothing.
I asked to take a few home to borrow, mostly based on my attraction to the album artwork and the titles of songs. Iβve always been drawn to song titles and artwork, probably because I am literary-minded but also because I love it when artists actually pay attention to building up a particular aesthetic thatβs appropriate to, or even spins a whole new meaning on, their music. I love thinking about how the title of a song changes everything. Itβs weird because I find it really hard to title my own work, but I guess thatβs a commonΒ problem…
Anyway, one of those lucky albums was Wild Nothingβs Nocturne, which is a blissful array of buttery, colourful dream pop songs which mould together as perfect as the lunar cycle. The standout track for me is βParadiseβ, a five-and-a-half-minute ambient starry-eyed disco epic which, if the album is meant to sort of capture βa sleepless state of mindβ (hence the albumβs title, Nocturne), is that moment when the endorphins kick in and you reach that precise state of euphoria that occurs when you have not slept for say 40 hours solid. Maybe youβre travelling, airborne to distant lands. Maybe youβve been boozing through the night and morning. Maybe youβve just been on your feet all day and are reaching the 11th hour of your shiftβ¦
For me, this is sort of The Cure drenched in pastel tones; the meticulous crafting of those dark synths and celestial reverb; Joy Division staring into the refracted galaxies of a crystal ball that would predict a brighter future. Jack Tatumβs voice here acquires a much stronger, more sonorous quality than on most other Wild Nothing tracks, and there are definitely Ian Curtis comparisons to be made here. The mood perfectly balances its bouncy drums, uplifting synths and twinkly 80s guitar riffs with a controlled and almost majestic lyrical delivery which is rather melancholy in theme, the refrain βlove is paradiseβ framing most of the song, as if striving to reach some sublime point where paradise would be reached. If you check out the extended version online, with Michelle Williams doing spoken word in an interlude section, there is a definite sort of Allen Ginsberg/Beat generation vibe to the lines, moving to a sort of transcendent rapture: βThe past was folded up and in the twinkle of an eye / and everything had been changed / And made beautiful and goodβ.
The song overall feels like a spiritual and spatial journey; it fades and builds and comes to fade again. It never indulges in elaborate solos but instead maintains its vibrant rhythm that moves between liveliness and a kind of soporific haze of drums and sparkling guitar and synths. Listening to it at work, for those five-and-a-half-minutes I felt weightless, bodiless, up in the air; free from the cutlery and crockery and bells tolling endlessly from the kitchenβ¦
A song that you carry with you somehow, thatβs so engrained in your brain as to never leave you, each chord and lyric sedimented with years of memory. Itβs a fragile song, sparse as a deciduous tree in winter. Itβs a song about wandering, the dislocated sense of not exactly inhabiting the world, but somehow just drifting through. Itβs a paean to solitude: βwhen everything is lonely I can be my own best friend / I get a coffee and a paper have my own conversations / with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflectionβ. It explores the thinness of reality, the sheen of βpolishβ that in the morning βlooks like shitβ, the false love sold in the evening, which by the morning βwonβt existβ. Itβs a candid admission of human frailty, the mercurial nature of our emotions. Itβs a specifically metropolitanΒ song: you have a sense of Conor Oberstβs warbling voice as he wanders the streets, lost protagonist in his solipsistic sadness. Yet the song spreads outwards, as a commentary on the human (or at least a generational) condition, a not-quite nihilistic exhaustion with the world – βwe might die from medication but we sure killed all the painβ. We flit from one thing to another, our desires will oscillate as sure as the moonβs phases. Everything seems βso simple as the moonlightβ but no amount of incantation will render solid this refrain.
Thematically, the song is about addiction, depression, the everyday vacillations of sensation contained in a morning and evening. The random party at βsome actorβs west side loftβ and the flask shared on the train, the person addressed who looks βskinny like a modelβ and keeps escaping to the bathroom, βalways say youβll be right backβ. In body, the people in the song waste away as easily as the time that contains them, surviving off coffee and moonlight and imaginary conversations.
Oberst, lyrically, is a genius at paradoxes and parallels and expresses them in a way that offers them as explanations or gestures of understanding which never quite satisfy but at least leave us pondering: βBut what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insaneβ. The opening line, βI know that it is freezing but I think we have to walkβ so clearly establishes the tone of the song, the jar of realisation –Β weβre both forced upon this journey, nobodyβs going to give us a rideΒ –Β that it could be a line from a Wallace Stevens poem. Itβs a cold song, whose play of end rhymes only half hit home – βwalk/loftβ βoff/goneβ – leaving us always Β longing for something more. No closure can be reached: the song can only end with the circular repetition of βso simple in the moonlightβ, a childlike rehearsal of the beauty which cannot kill the complications of adult life, the self-destructive habits which inhabit the songβs lyrics.
In third year of high school, I used to listen to this every lunchtime, lying in the playground by the P.E block, feeling so light and empty, the world dissolving around me in a dull cacophony of kicked footballs, shrieking games and called-out names. It was a mysterious adult world, the one contained in that song, but I almost felt I was already there, dissolving what was left of matter.
[Thereβs a lovely version Oberst recorded with Gillian Welch for the album Dark Was the Night (2009) which gives it a flavour of melancholy Americana, a greater sense of dislocation, fusing the urban setting and Oberstβs minimalist delivery with Welchβs distinctly lilting, country voice and all its resonance of the prairie].
7) Muse – βCitizen Erasedβ, Origin of Symmetry (2001)
It seems insane to think that this album was released fifteen years ago, but maybe the timing was appropriate. Thereβs something uncanny about it: the paranoid, political and often surreal lyrics, howling soprano, bloated distortion of electric guitars, as if the music were forcing us to release the visceral eeriness and indeed grotesque weirdness of a reality that tried to cloak itself in the fairytales of gameshow tv and the financial greed offered by a fresh new centuryβ¦
βCitizen Erasedβ is visceral, beautiful; at once tender and full of fury. It renders the experience of someone living in a fucked-up political state, the striving for freedom and confusion over what it means to be human, to be a person, at all. The thrashing drums give way to a thickly buzzing bass and the yearning swirls of screeching electric guitar solos. The song builds slowly and softly but the choruses are huge and operatic, with Bellamyβs distinctive wail crying out: βFor one moment / I wish you would hold your stage / with no feelings at all / open minded / Iβm sure I used to be, so freeβ.
The experience of this song is one of purification. You are exposed to music that is violent, lashing, angry, but like any good narrative, there is a turning point, a calming of the waves. The music becomes almost ambient. The key changes and Bellamyβs voice returns to its melodic, delicate expression, accompanied by ripples of piano and the fuzzy, spacey twanging of distorted guitars: βWash me away / clean your body of me / erase all the memories / that will only bring us painβ. Iβve always felt purged somehow after listening to βCitizen Erasedβ. I think it chews you up a bit then leaves you, disembodied, drifting along the final tributaries of its current, back to a place of imaginary origin, more peaceful and pure than the harsh world it rendersβ¦